Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
