I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am spending my child support on dildos
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
