after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
