i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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