Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
