I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
