Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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