i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
