I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
