u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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