weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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