I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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