Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
