Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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