I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
