I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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