he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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