You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
