i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
