Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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