you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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