I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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