you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
