Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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