I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
