it wasn't lemon gatorade
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
