i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
