running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize