You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
