Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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