I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
