Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
