I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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