i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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