That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
