I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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