I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
