so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
