the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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