we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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