It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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