Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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