K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm so fucking centered right now
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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