Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
