Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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