Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
