woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
