Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize