Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
