After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Your dad touched me again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
