if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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