i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
