well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
