We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
