I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
