I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize