My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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