Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize