Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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