I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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