i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I love having hate sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
