I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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