It's Friday. Sex?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
