Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
