I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
