don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
