we have officially mastered the walk of shame
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
