am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize