dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
